“If I’m not married and have a kid before I am 25 I’ll….”

The title of this blog post is phrase I have heard numerous times self-righteously announced by females. Men, if you haven’t heard it, it’s because you are not a female. This hopeless and drastic statement usually only takes place around an all female crowd. Why? Because we, women, are embarrassed and somewhat scared that if men were to realize how much we value “M-R-S” in front of our names, it would send them running in the opposite direction. With good reason, I do not blame them.

baby bride edited

Quite frankly, no matter how many times I hear this plea, I still tend to get a bit nervous and uncomfortable. Whether it’s an intimate dinner alongside close friends, a quick chit-chat among co-workers, or frequent bout of eavesdropping; every time I hear this phrase, I picture my eyes slowly beginning to roll to the back of my head, sweat trickling off my temples, and my hands starting to twitch.
Let me tell you something, “WORDS HAVE POWER!” When these words are so carefully placed and proudly equivocated I become a victim of the “flight or fight response”.
I believe my innate reaction to this phrase stems from the fact that I see my myself as young woman who has barely entered adulthood. Rightfully so, I am only 20!!! I am in a transition. Theoretically speaking, one foot dangles from the edge of my teenage years, while the other stands firmly planted between the wrought iron gates of adulthood. 


However, I think that in comparison to some of my female acquaintances, I do not have a romanticized view of marriage, I approach the concept more….realistically. Don’t get me wrong, when I get married I want a big beautiful wedding. I fantasize about my dress, the groom, and the decor. It’s just that at the age of 22, just having graduated from college, I know that I will not be financially capable to afford this “dream”. There are not a lot of entry-level salaries that come with a set of bragging rights. Also, since it is in fact 2013, when you marry your future husband, you are probably taking on his college debt as well ( that is if he is a college graduate).
Also, I don’t want to put a time limit on anything because I’ll find myself settling. Love is the best when it happens organically. When people rush into things, I think that where trouble begins to brew. For those worried about their eggs drying up; in comparison to 50 years ago, healthcare has improved astronomically and women are having healthy pregnancies in their 40s. Halle Berry ring a bell.


For these reasons, I rather live a little and gain my own footing in the world, before I dedicate my life as a spouse and a mother. Because once you have that M-R-S in front of your name there is no “Honey, me and the girls are going to the bar/ club without you”, “Sweetie, I need you to re-schedule your parent-teacher conference because  Love & HipHop is on”, or ” Can I just have a break?”. Your are a spouse and parent full-time. And to be completely honest, I need a couple of years to be selfish and focused on my own needs before I start worrying about feeding mouths other than my own. 
At what age will I freak out if I am not at least engaged? I don’t know. If I dwell on it too much, it will become a reality. Therefore, I have no answer, but hopefully not 40. What?

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